He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize