capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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