dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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