i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
