How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
