i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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