i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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