So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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