rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
there is glitter all over my balls
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
