just come out here and I will go home with you...
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
