what day is it and did you see me today?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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