My liver just broke up with me...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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