Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
