O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I need to sanitize my soul.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
