I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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