Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
