did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I want her autograph on my taint
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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