Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just had sex on a roof
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I would ride that face into the sunset
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
