I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
