I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
