the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
