i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
