Well apparently he's into motor boating.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
