I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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