If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
