Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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