I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize