so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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