I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Randomize
