The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
