i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
