Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
