fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
