Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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