I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
