dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
