she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
