if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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