What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
