She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Randomize
