she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
