Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
