Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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