Three words: puerto rican gang bang
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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