I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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