Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
