After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
