we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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