My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
