She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My bed smells like the plague
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
