and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
