there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
