So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
