You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
