I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
