Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
