I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
