just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
