apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
