I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
