enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
