my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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