need another drink. this is the easiest way
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
