fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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