I'll bet she douches with gravy.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Randomize
