the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
