Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
40s are totally the cure
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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