I'm lost and stupid without you.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
