Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
