why didn't you poke me back
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
