How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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